shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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