"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
