Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
