How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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