Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
