I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
