I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
