I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
