yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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