even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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