I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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