So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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