my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
