I'm laying in your front yard are you home
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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