I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Hippo gnu deer
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
