just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I cut my penus on the lid.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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