I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
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