Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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