And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
