Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
