I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Found the puke drawer
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
