So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
