Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
is it fun? or sober?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
