At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
