y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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