First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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