I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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