But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
