my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
