I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
