Ambien. No doubt about it.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
