it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
