Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
