all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
