Even the bartender felt bad for me
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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