Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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