There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
