Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
