it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
