But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
