you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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