I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
