I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
