I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
