carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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