Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
