I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
foreskin is a definite game changer
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
