Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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