I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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