I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
