I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
