FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
