I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
