The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
