i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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